Three Reasons Not to Pay for It

  1. I’m a stud, a catch, the cat’s meow. I don’t need to pay for anything.  I can get whatever I want, whenever I want for free.  Only losers pay for it. *snort*

My last date?  I treated her to dinner and a movie.  I am a gentleman after all.  But that’s different…

  1. I want to know that she wants to be there. Bringing money into the situation, justWhy should I chase you when I'm the catch? sullies it.  I want someone who does it for the fun of it, not the money.

Well, sure I pay a mechanic to fix my car.  No, I’ve never asked if he would fix my car for the fun of it.  That would just be silly.

3.  The internet is a treasure trove of freebies.  If you won’t _______ for free, I’ll just find someone else who will.

Of course my job pays me a salary, bonuses, too.  I’m very good at what I do.  But it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to do this online.  *eyeroll*

Profile Update:

“I’ve been on this site for 6 months and it’s nothing but fakes, man.  What happened to all the real women?  If there are any REAL women out there, message me ASAP.”

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Does Fairness Belong in Findom?

I recently posted a congratulatory tweet to announce the winner of a complimentary item on my foot fetish Twitter account (@MissJeansFeet).  The primary reason I wanted to make the announcement was that it recently came to my attention the level of unfairness (or is it?) permeating the Financial Domination community.  Specifically, I’ve learned of Dommes offering up free or discounted clips to winners who retweet their posts.  The only catch is that there are no winners, no free clips, and no discounts.  This begs the question: Are the boys victims of an unscrupulous Domme’s practice?  Or are they willing pawns in a scheme serving to reinforce their reduced status in the relationship or community?

Another example of the findom deck being stacked against the sub is during dice or wheel games.  I’ve heard complaints or suspicions when it seems that the Domme always comes out ahead.  This is a relatively easy assessment to make as it involves statistics.  No matter

img_7093
Men may bend to your will, but math will not.

how powerful a Domme may be, she cannot exist outside the laws of probability.  So for everyone out there rigging your games of chance, yes, the boys can determine if you are lying.

The allure of a game of chance is just that…the chance, the uncertainty.  I think both sides of the coin, the feeling of being trapped when the result is harsh as well as the feeling of relief when the result is mild, are important to the play.  Very few people (certainly none that I know) benefit from or can withstand the constant pressure of every single moment being balls-to-the-wall extreme.  It is the back and forth, the push and pull that allows us to regroup and prepare for eventual harsher consequences.

Ultimately the poll I ran this weekend ended up declaring that, yes, integrity is important in Findom.  However, as always, I question if the results would have been different if I’d run separate polls for D-types vs. s-types.  Clearly we all view these matters from a different perspective.  To me, this is an issue of integrity and trust.  I assume that my trustworthiness matters in all things large and small.  To foster this, when I play money or chastity games with boys, I sometimes allow them to spin the wheel or roll the dice.  Does this give them the opportunity to cheat?  Sure it does!  It is for this reason that some Dommes never give their boys the chance.  The group think is that men are lying bastards ready to fail at any given opportunity.  But I’m a believer that subs are only cheating themselves when they choose to cheat or worm their way out of something.  In addition, in my typical Mentor/Mommy/Guide fashion, I strive to cultivate honorable behavior in my boys -to make them the kind of “real men” that we need more of these days.  Since my goal for them is to be trustworthy and beyond reproach, how can I be anything short of that myself?

Please keep in mind that I have no problem in producing a hard game wherein the outcome benefits the Domme no matter the results.  However, a difficult game is very different from rigged results.  A game in which the house has the advantage, so to speak, is acceptable because the sub has consented to the outcome simply by choosing to play.  So go ahead a play your chastity game of “Will it be 10 days, 10 weeks, or 10 months?”.  No matter what, the boy is getting locked up and all participants have agreed to it.  But including a get-out-of-jail-free option, but then changing the results should it ever be the winner, is dishonest to me.  The only instance in which I can possibly see this as being acceptable is if the sub negotiated that upfront.  Rigging results would be reserved exclusively for those types who wish to wallow in their own lowliness, to feel constantly degraded , to be reminded at every turn that they are life’s loser.  It’s that promise of something good, only to be snatched away that makes their blood sing.  (“But I thought you said nobody could endure that constant harsh treatment?” Ahhh, but in my experience, those types of subs tend to burn hot for a short amount of time then fizzle out until they are ready for the next round of torture or another Domme.  It is in this way that they self-regulate that push and pull I mentioned earlier.  As with all things, your mileage may vary.)

 

Domme with a Heart Crap

“Don’t give me any of that ‘Domme with a heart’ crap.”  These were the words on one boy’s blog I ran across about a month ago. (I’ve long since forgotten the source, but it’s really of no consequence as I’m not referencing him specifically.)

The Domme with a Heart…still the antithesis of the Dominatrix stereotype, but common enough now to be its own trope. It was recently suggested to me that my next blog entry be about the caring and connected style of D/s that is present in my own relationships. To be honest, I have no idea how to write that particular blog entry. I really feel that it is Image result for woman holding heartsomething you either have or you don’t. You don’t fake this method of domination, although it might be accurate to say that some women might be faking being a mean, ice queen.  If you are, that’s on you. I personally can’t fake interactions with people and I’m a terrible liar. I operate the way that I do because that is what comes naturally to me. I would heartily suggest to any new Dommes out there that you simply “Do You”. If you’re a bitch, be a bitch Domme. If you’re a softie, be a gentle Domme. Some women may find that when in Domme mode, a particular aspect of their personality is more front-and-center. If that’s you, roll with it!

The thing I would caution against is following whatever trend you see simply because you see a lot of it. It should come as no surprise that I’m thinking of the “fuck you, pay me” crowd.  Again, if that’s what makes you happiest, go for it. But if you’re journeying down that road, because that’s where you think you see the biggest crowd, stop!  Be you. Don’t be everybody else. This also applies to non-Findom Dommes as well. If you look around and think stern, unsmiling bitchiness is the only way to dominate, it isn’t. Again, if that’s you, do it. If that’s not, then don’t. I have my mean (or strict or cruel) moments, but you’ll be very unlikely to find a picture of me with my stern face on simply because that’s not my primary mode.

Am I a Domme with a Heart?  I am a Domme.  And, yes, I have a heart.  However, I don’t use that tagline for the simple reason that I don’t want to put the focus there.  I also think that some (mostly men) misread that to mean that you are a softie or a pushover.  While some boys do see my softer side, others do not.  My interactions can vary widely within my relationships because I am a complex person with many interests and facets to my personality.  My primary mode is more of a Guide or Caretaker, however there is still a small part of me that is sadistic and cruel and occasionally longs to be unleashed.  I’m a Domme with a heart because I care about you as a human being and, in the long run, I don’t want to hurt you permanently.  However, for the boy who yearns to be beaten, made small, chewed up and spit out, I look forward to watching you endure that side of me. [Insert slow, evil smile here.]

Whether I beat you, humiliate you, or take your money, when the day is done, I will adore you for accepting (and revelling) in everything I dished out.  Honestly, your submission is more my kink than anything.  Dominating you is fun and the highs are so wonderful for me, but my greatest joy is in experiencing your submission – watching you process the pain (be it physical or psychological), walking with you through that journey of acceptance, basking with you when you find your joy in serving.  All the rest of it – the money, gifts, kinky activities – those are simply the processes by which we undertake our journey.

The gist of my style boils down to three things:

  1. I’m just being me.  This isn’t my job or a role I play.
  2. I genuinely love the process of submission.
  3. I limit my engagement to those boys with whom I feel a connection on some type of level.  Granted some connections are deeper than others, but I will never dominate someone just for the money.  That’s just not fun to me.

Have fun everyone and play safe!

PS.  Comments are always welcome on here as well on Twitter.

 

TeamViewer….meh

I’ve been asked about TeamViewer a lot over the past year, mostly by “drive-by” subs looking for an immediate session to get off.  There are so many things in that scenario that just don’t work for me, but I’m ignoring all that and today will only tackle my personal usage of TeamViewer.

I found a message from last year that I sent in response to someone who held the belief that online financial domination wasn’t possible without TeamViewer.  He seemed appalled that I wasn’t using it. Part of my response:

Teamviewer wasn’t a thing when I first embarked on this side of life and I’ve been gone from the online community for a while.  So coming back, it is like playing catch-up with what’s trending in the world of kink.  I’ve been thinking about it quite a bit lately, because there have been “come rape me on Teamviewer” offers like crazy.  Something was holding me back and I was thinking that maybe I was just being an old-fashioned curmudgeon (because I am sometimes), but that’s not really it.

I don’t like the forced feeling of it.

I’m not interested in forcing someone to give me anything.  I want a man to voluntarily give up some of his money because it makes him satisfied knowing that he’s providing for me or happy that I’ll get to have a little fun.  I want him to push that button to send money,  him to stand in line at the bank to withdraw cash, him to address an envelope with a gift enclosed or (in my wildest fantasies) him to take on a second job, turning over the paycheck.  I want him to think about me every moment that he’s engaged in those activities, knowing how much I cherish his actions and dedication.

For me, TeamViewer just isn’t compatible with my style.  There are also legal concerns involved in using someone’s computer, accounts, or credit card of which an unscrupulous sub can take advantage.  I thought for some time about at least trying TeamViewer just to form a solid (and educated) opinion one way or the other, but reading a few of the horror imagestories from Dommes (men turning the tables, filing legal charges, disputing purchases, etc) made me change my mind.

Do I use TeamViewer? No.

Would I ever? Maybe, possibly, for the right reasons, in the right scenario, and with the right person. And that’s still a big maybe.  (Please don’t contact me to tell me that you are the “right one”.  That’s my call, not yours.)

So for those of you out there using TeamViewer successfully, more power to you!  If it works for you, that’s awesome.  Just don’t turn your nose up at me, because I don’t.  I do things the way I like them and isn’t that kind of the point? 😉

Service & Sacrifice

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a kinky man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a Findomme.

Not every player and payer in the Findom community is dragging around a fat wallet.  Regardless, those with shallower pockets can get creative and find ways to sacrifice.  Quite often the sacrifice is just as enticing as the cash.  I personally adore it when a man finds ways to save his pennies just so I can enjoy more.  It says that I am worth the sacrifice.  It says that he is putting me first in his life.  That’s powerful stuff!

Here are a few ways to save so that you can funnel more funds to ME:

  • Shop generic brands.  Unless you have allergies or some other special need, the $1.00 toothpaste should work just fine.  If the taste is less than desirable, just remember: sacrifice.
  • Change your own oil.  Remember when a man’s response to a flat tire was to roll upOIL-Change-bottle his sleeves and change it rather than pulling out his cell phone to call road service?  Yeah, me too…men like this are becoming scarce.  See that circle thingy in the pic?  That’s an oil filter wrench.  Learn how to use it!  If you get a little dirty, just remember: sacrifice.
  • Brown bag it.  No more restaurants or fast food joints for you.  If you get a craving to eat out, remember: sacrifice.
  • Drinks with the guys.  Why would you even think of drinking?  This is a complete waste of MY money.  Serve as the designated driver and remember: sacrifice.

By now you should be getting the hang of this so we can go a little faster.  If you’re cash poor, but really want to show dedication and devotion to your lady, you can always: get a second job, hold a yard sale, drive for Uber, grow your own herbs and vegetables, pawn something, cash in vacation hours or sick time at work, mow lawns, cancel your cable/satellite radio/streaming services, carpool to work, clip coupons, give up coffee, skip the hot shave at the barber shop, repair rather than replace (just about anything), use generic prescriptions when possible, sell blood plasma or saliva (oh, yeah, it is really a thing!), recycle cans and bottles, babysit or pet sit, be a nude figure model at a local college or artist group, and so on and so forth.

Let’s face it, any inability to tribute on your part is just pure selfish laziness.  Every morning you should rise with a smile on your face and ask, “What can I do for Miss Jean today?”

I Find Your Offer Insulting

please

im begging you with all my heart

i want to go into debt for you

This is just one of the ridiculous requests I’ve gotten lately from broke or delusional boys. Each downtrodden soul weaves a grander tale of woe than the last with their accounts of underemployment, student loan balloon payments, kids in college, and wives with a death-grip on the purse strings and yet each of them still begs me to take their meager offerings. Get a grip on yourself!

Let me be very clear. If you are spending your kid’s college fund on findom, then you are a piece of shit. If you pawn your wife’s wedding ring to feed your clips addiction, then I hope she cuts your dick off. Anyone who approaches me with these ideas certainly hasn’t paid attention to what I say and how I conduct myself. Those are the acts of a spineless coward and I choose to keep better company than that.  Essentially what you are telling me is that I’m not worthy of the hard work and determination it takes to tribute responsibly.goy

“I don’t believe in debt.” That was my response to the request at the beginning of this post. I’ve said it on more than one occasion and I’m sure I’ll say it a great many more. Spending money on financial worship or financial domination is no different than paying to eat out at a restaurant or buying tickets to a concert. This is recreational spending that pleases your Domme or Mistress which in turn increases your own pleasure. However you should not be spending money you don’t actually have on findom (or anything else in life)! That is fiscally irresponsible and, as someone attracted to financial control, I will never condone this type of behavior. With that in mind, my response would have been completely different if the request had been more along the lines of, “I desperately want to serve you financially, but my finances are a mess. Will you work with me to fix it so I have the discretionary funds you deserve?” Now you’re speaking my language. Now you are entering into the world of actual financial domination (assuming you can handle revealing your income, debts, and expenditures and commit to the budget I suggest for you).

Before closing, I also want to address the psychological aspect of “rinsing” and “wallet raping”. Please don’t think that I’m prejudiced against these forms of play, because I’m not. Not knowing how much your lady will take from you or how far over the line she’ll go can be very powerful. Playing with the fear and pushing the boundaries of consensual control are heady things for your Dominatrix as well. BUT, as with all findom activities, you should be starting from a fiscally sound position. That doesn’t mean that you have to earn six figures nor have millions in the bank, it simply means that you aren’t causing irreparable harm to yourself with the amounts that you tribute. Yes, there are some Dommes and subs that see bankruptcy as the ultimate in findom, but not me. I view sacrifice as the ultimate in findom – growing your own food, getting a second job, selling that stupid boat that hasn’t seen water in 3 summers, etc. Bankruptcy is giving up and I’d much prefer a man to sacrifice in order to tribute than to simply run up a debt and then declare bankruptcy. That’s the coward’s way out and you already know I don’t associate with cowards.

The Misnomer “Findom”

dom-i-na-tion (noun): the exercise of control or influence over someone or something, or the state of being so controlled.

I’m a Financial Dominatrix, but I don’t engage in pay-for-play. Ninety percent of you are thinking, “Say what?!”

“Findom” is short for Financial Domination, but these days I see it being used to describe anything but financial domination.

“Hello, Miss.  Will you call me humiliating names on cam?”

“Send a $50 tribute.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Not findom.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying there is anything wrong with this scenario, but I think it is inaccurate to call anything about that financial domination.  This is pay-for-play, pure money rolland simple and if that’s what you enjoy, more power to you.

I will admit that I throw around the findom hashtag just as much as the next woman.  I figure at this point it is a ubiquitous term that at least gets people in the same ballpark as one another.  You and I may have different ideas about how things should progress, but we both know there will be money involved.

Financial Domination, as I use the term, involves control of one’s finances.  Most likely this would mean a budget for living expenses, access to the submissive partner’s accounts, and control over where and how the money is spent.

“My mother’s birthday is next month, may I have $200 for her present?”

“No.  Your retirement planning has been lacking up to this point, so I’m increasing your Roth contributions this month.  Keep your mother’s gift under $125 this year.”

“Yes, Mistress.”

Now that’s my idea of control.  Notice that the reason for the “No” wasn’t to score a bigger tribute for myself?  Yes, I know it’s shocking to some, but my goal is to leave BOTH of us better off at the end of the day.  This time we take care of his future, next time we take care of mine.  Yin and yang.  Push and pull.

I don’t mind when findom is used with regards to “financial worship”.  It is still a bit of a misnomer, but I’m assuming there is some type of Domme/sub hierarchy in any interaction that involves financial worship, spoiling, tributing, etc.  However the difference would be that financial worship is given freely without demand, whereas in financial domination money can be spent as punishment or upon the dominant’s direction.

My personal favorite is financial worship, by far.  Knowing that you have invaded the thoughts of your man so completely (even if only temporarily) that he opened his wallet in praise and admiration, is a beautiful thing.  It creates a Domme high like no other to find surprises in the mailbox or email or bank account.  While he was thinking of you when sending, you are thinking of him when receiving.  Yummy!

 

It’s Not About You

A common theme in female domination (especially with findommes) is that everything is about the Domme.  The submissive should be focused on the Domme’s kinks, the Domme’s life, the Domme’s happiness.

Awesome.  But only to a point.

I, personally, am not the kind of Mistress who ignores her partner’s wishes and desires.  I will absolutely admit that they take a backseat to my wants and needs, but I’m not out to ignore them entirely.  This is why finding the right D/s partner is so important.  For example: I am a foot exhibitionist.  I love to show off my feet and have them complimented and pampered.  Therefore, a man with a foot fetish is a very good match for me, because while I’m doing something I enjoy, he too is benefitting in positive ways.

I may sometimes be interested in learning or trying out a kinky fetish that appears on your list, but not mine.  My tastes, interests, and attitude have all changed to some degree from my early days, so I feel it is important to remain open to new ideas and experiences.  Do not take this to mean that you can lay a list of fetishes at my feet and expect all your fantasies to be filled.

Why?  Because it is all about me.

My focus is on developing lasting relationships with service subs only.  If your heart does not beat to serve a lady and make her happy with your own denial and sacrifice, then we will have a very short-lived experience.  If “Happy wife, Happy life” is a mantra for you (rather than a snarky cut-down), then you are the type that would understand my interaction style.  I may or may not be the right Domme for you, just as you may or may not be the right submissive for me, but with a little pre-screening and the right focus and attitude from you, we should be off to a good start!

Watch Your Mouth

Me: What shall I call you?

Him: You can call me whatever you like.

Me: Great, fantastic.  Then I shall call you Betsy.

I’m not your Mistress yet, so pet names do not apply.  In the meantime of getting to know you, I need to know your name and screen names just won’t do.  I’m not above addressing an email as “Dear Bondage Slut” or whatever moniker you’ve chosen, but I do not prefer it.

Vanilla manners and courtesy still apply.

Hi, I’m Miss Jean and you are….?

First Impressions

If I had a dime for every message I received that just says “Hi” or “Hello, Mistress”, I’d be dripping in diamonds by now.

Those are horrible first messages, gentlemen!

First of all, I’m a findomme so financial play is the cornerstone of my fetish world.  To catch my attention, your opening line should be, “Miss Jean, here is a tribute for $XXX.”  By giving an introductory tribute, you’ve proven yourself to Talk to menot be another timewaster.  You’ve also shown that you understand the nature of this type of fetish play and are willing to give when it is necessary or when inspired to.

Second, who the hell are you and why are you contacting me?  Another example: “I’ve been following you on Twitter and loved the picture of (insert fav here).  May I chat with you for 10 minutes to see if I may be of service to you?”  Letting me know how you came to be aware of me is always helpful.  Slipping in something I’ve done/shown/said that you enjoyed helps humanize you in my eyes and gives a brief peek at your potential interests.  Finally, a polite request for contact which demonstrates you are seeking a connection and not just looking for wank fodder.

Your very first message is the only info I have on which to decide if I will respond or not.  While I never wish to be rude, I simply cannot answer every message tossed my way.  Therefore, until you’ve made some real effort, my time is reserved for myself and my current boys.